A single mum raised you!

baile

If you attended the Filia 2018 conference you will know that I very publicly expressed what I thought of Shaun Bailey and his statement of  Single mum’s ‘should not be acceptable’ 

Women were disgusted and outraged when I presented his views. I said that I would write a blog to explain my anger, so here we are. I was not so civilised at the Filia conference.

In 2006 Shaun Bailey made a few statements and one of them being that single mums “should not be acceptable” and that young women in inner city areas were having babies to get flats. They knew how to “Play the system”. Read here

Since then he has tried to justify this statement in some ways, and most recently implied that it was accepted and relevant at the time. I strongly disagree.

Now I like to play fair and I like to get the facts straight before I start swinging.  I have a couple of questions that I, and I’m sure many others would like answered:

  1. Where is your data to prove that young women from inner city estates become pregnant to get flats? How did you record this? Can we see these figures?
  2. Did you exclude Child sexual exploitation victims, rape victims, child abuse victims and domestic abuse/violence victims from your data?

Because if you made such a claim with no data and this is just your opinion of women in inner cities…then I am unsure how you can make statements like “For London our best days are ahead of us. The Mayor has just been talking London down.” Read here As recent as 28/9/18. Because is that not what you are doing Shaun? ‘talking London down’?

Also, if you have not excluded Child sexual exploitation victims, Rape victims, Child abuse victims and domestic abuse/violence victims, who may have become pregnant and may have ended up with a flat…if you have not excluded them from your “Data”, then what kind of person does that make you. Its just a question. Did you consider the thousands of women that fall pregnant against their will, decided to keep that baby, and raised it just fine as a single mum? Well…did you?

These single mums you talk of, the ones getting pregnant to get a flat… are you referring to me?

Because I check every box my friend.

Pregnant young? Check.

No father for the child? Check.

Moved into a flat to raise said child? Check.

From inner city? Check.

I am all those things.

So, Shaun Bailey do you include me in that statement?

Let me tell you something, and I hope that thousands of women out there do not mind me speaking on their behalf, you are a disappointment to us from the inner city, the place you say you come from, where you claim you saw all this happen. Where you claim we run around getting pregnant to get a flat! You’re a disappointment. You could have done and said so much to raise us all up…and this is what you come with?

Let me tell you something else. I didn’t pregnant to get a flat and I don’t know anyone else that did either. I didn’t “get pregnant” at 15. I didn’t sit there thinking and plotting on how to get a flat. I didn’t plan my pregnancy. It was forced upon me. FORCED. I was too far pregnant when I found out to have termination and I would not have done that anyway. I would not have put him in care…because we all know what that can look like.

So, what did you want me to do Shaun? You tell me, what do you think I should have done? Stayed living in a two bedroom flat with my mum and my child? A cold flat. With a mum whose mental health meant that I was sometimes looking after two instead of one. Is that what you want for us single mums?

I worked god damn hard from the day my son was born 22 years ago until…well…this very second to make sure that I raised a king. A king that would understand that sometimes life deals you a hand and you must face up to it. Stand up to it. Face your responsibilities.

Do you know how many times I have been in hospital with that child Shaun? Do you know how many meals I have gone without, so he could eat Shaun? Do you know how many times I had to tell him that it was not his fault he had no dad Shaun? DO YOU KNOW???

No man raised that child for or with me. Never. I worked hard, and I raised him, just like all the people I know who had babies young. Some may have made mistakes along the way …for sure. We are from the inner-city Shaun…you know how hard it is for inner city people to get anywhere…. Especially us silly, slack single mums…

Here is the killer. Here is the bit that makes me shake my head.

A single Mum raised you! You were raised just like my son, with no dad and only extended family for support. So, do you include your own mum in that statement? Please tell me that you do not…but if you don’t.

Why not?

In 2005 you also said…according to reports

‘Mr Bailey says that because single motherhood became acceptable, mothers and daughters ended up “fighting for attention from the men”, and that young girls “mistook sex for affection”.’ Read here

Did you say the above quote?

Did this come out of your mouth?

Are you saying that single mums created thiw… that mother and daughter “end up fighting for attention from men”?

I am going to wait for you to reply on that one before I pass comment as I can’t believe it is true. I have added the article for people to look over…just in case.

Shaun…. Do you not think that what our young people need is guidance and support? Do you not think that single mums need to be raised up, not put down? Do you not think that life is hard enough trying to raise a child alone without someone in a position of power, who comes from the same area as you, who knows how hard it is…don’t you think it hurts to hear you say such things? Because it does hurt. Our women need support not hate.

Who gave you the right to start the blame game on single mums?

I know you might try and say you made these points years ago. But you still said them, and it still is not OK. You should step down because you do not have the right mindset to be the mayor of such diverse city as London. You don’t deserve that.

I keep seeing that people are saying that what you said was taken out of context. I have looked into this and from what I can see…that is not true. Like I said, you have raised the point and said it was relevant at the time.

Well…it wasn’t relevant to me and my son.

I am sure that many people will not like what I have said, will have counter argument, and will want to tell me a million reasons why I am wrong.

I am not talking to you. I am talking to Shaun Bailey. I only need him to answer my above questions.

One last thing, just because I think it needs answering.

What about all the men who made these women into single parents…How come you are not gunning for them…?

Holla when you’re ready.

 

7 Comments Add yours

  1. sharongoodyer says:

    Kendra
    He is beyond contempt. Your last point is the one. Don’t go for the hard working single mums attack the irresponsible, selfish, liars who are the children’s fathers.
    Statistics tell us very little of the truth here. It is not the numbers but the stories about the real lives that give us the handle we need to see the situation clearly. Statistics leave out so much. He presents a caricature of what is really happening. I was a mum who brought her children up with very little help or presence from their father. There was a group of us who supported each other. We were all professionals working full time at challenging but well paid jobs. Where do we feature in these statistics?
    I dislike nuclear families . Once that front door is shut my experience tells me the hell begins.
    Bringing children up in a wider, more open community is an option.
    Condemnation says more about him and his rigid thinking, his lack of love for others than it says about the reality of the situation.

    Like

    1. As always Sharon, your response is from the heart…just how I like it. I don’t care how long ago it was and I dont care if he has said sorry. I want to know why he thinks like that and I guess I also want to know why people are backing someone who thinks like that.

      Like

  2. This was so well said! Im shocked and disgusted that a man in his position who was raised by a single mother would say that.

    Why are women to blame for everything? I will never understand this.

    Thank you for sharing this!

    Lydia x | lydiaonlife.con

    Like

    1. Thank you for reading. Sadley he is not the first and will not be the last to put blame on women for somthing that takes two people. But as long as we keep speaking out…a change is gonna come

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Carlton says:

    Well said Kendra , women are not to blame. This man will not be pinging back , what the hell was he thinking? Clearly wasn’t. Men need to take some responsibility and stop blaming women, and start trying to support their partners and children. I work with a lot of single moms and they do a fantastic job
    Shame on you Shaun

    Like

    1. Thank you for your comment Carlton. I guess he has forgotten where his roots are…who knows.

      Like

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