Please read “Make her look younger part 1” Before continuing….
Blondy burst through the back door of the flat she shared with her mum. Her life had just changed…just like that…in the space of about an hour. She grabbed a tea towel off the side and wiped her tear stained face. “Mum” she called. Her mum was no longer sitting at the Kitchen table but the £40 was still there. “Mum” she called again. She went to the living room and her mum was sitting on the sofa smoking a fag and just sort of staring at the TV…that was not on. “Mum” Blondy said loudly. Her mum didn’t respond. Her eyes were wide and a little glazed. Blondy had seen this a million times. This meant mum was gonna be off the radar for a bit. Her mental health was about to take over for a while. “Mum” Blondy said now, a sob in her voice. Then she thought, what was the point in crying. No one was listening. “Mum I am gonna stay at Stella’s for the weekend ok”. Her mum just nodded slowly. Blondy went around and made sure all the doors and windows were locked up. When her mum got like this anything could happen. She went and checked the gas card. There was enough to last for the weekend. Blondy turned the TV on and put the remote next to her mum. She grabbed a blanket and threw it over her mums’ legs. She looked at her mum, who still had not looked at her. Her mum was reliving some traumatic event in her past in her head right now. Its where her mum usually went when things got bad…but that’s another story.
Blondy went to her room and took some money out the nike shoe box under her bed. She changed her clothes and grabbed her Naff Naff back pack and stuffed a change of clothes in it. She then just stood there…looking around her room. It was a state. A mixture of poverty and lost childhood. She felt sad. Sad is the only she could think of right now. That and scared . She went and looked in at her mum. She had just lit another fag, the butt of the last one still smoking in the ashtray. “I will be back soon mum” she said. No reply. She let herself out the back door, locking it behind her, taking the key. She also had the front door key in her key. It was the only way she could grantee mum not getting out why she was gone. She remembered what the older had just said…about her mum being crazy. She swore under her breath and started to walk back towards the trap house where the older would be waiting for her.
She felt shook. She knew that she was in over her head and that she had to front it. She felt the familiar panic in her chest. She had been having panic attacks for a few years now and hid it most of the time. None of the boys had ever seen her have one. No way. When she felt it coming she would just disappear and go home. Her mum called it ghosting. When Blondy would just sort of disappear to her room and not interact with anyone. She had been “Ghosting” since she was about 9. It had gotten worse the past year. She had watched her mum have panic attacks for years and years. But…like I just said…that’s another story.
She stopped at the shop by the trap flat and got a drink. The shop owner knew most of the kids in the area. “You ok Baby girl” he said as he gave her the change from the drink “You don’t look so good”. She looked at him and…for a hot second…was almost gonna tell…ask for help…but she didn’t. What could he do. What could anyone do.
She stood at the bottom of the block and took a deep breath. She didn’t want to go back in, but this was it, it was time to step up. She pushed open the block door and two of the other youngers were sitting on the stairs playing music and chatting. “What’s good” one said, the other just nodded. She nodded back and stepped round them and started up the steps. The door at the top of the block was open and she could hear bear people talking. Music playing. People laughing. She took another deep breath. She got to the door and walked in. There were always bear heads in this place but right now…between the time it took her to go home and back…it had become fuller. That’s because Aron had gone and got the girls. The girlfriends of the elders. These girls were aged between about 15-19. They were not active within the gang and they done “stuff” with the boys. Blondy did not want to do “stuff”. She went and stood in the kitchen, not sure what to say or do. Everyone was busy. Some of the man dem were in the kitchen, scales out, weighing up crack and heroin like crazy. Some had masks over their face. Suddenly someone screeched “Blondy!!”. Blondy jumped and she was suddenly engulfed with someone hugging her and kissing her face. She knew that smell and hug anywhere. It was Nadine. This was her elder’s main chick and Blondy adored her. She wrestled out of the hug as always and yelled the usually “allow it” with a smile on her face.
Nadine was about 17. She was …beautiful…well that’s what Blondy thought. She had long brown shiny hair that she wore in a bun with little curls gelled to the side of her head. She was mixed race and had green eyes. She wore these wicked hoop earrings and always looked like she was going raving. When the man dem had first let Blondy hang around with them it was Nadine that had cleaned Blondy up, sorted her hair and made sure she didn’t look like a tramp. Blondy loved her but never showed it. Blondy also knew that bad stuff happened to Nadine and that Nadine like hard food. She liked hard food a lot.
“Blondy don’t get rude ya know, about allow it” Nadine said with a big smile on her face. “You can’t stay here now girl, come back later, we are getting someone ready to go country” Nadine said offering Blondy a fag. Blondy took the fag and lit it. “Yer I know” Blondy said, blowing the smoke out in a long puff. “Come back later and we can chill” Nadine said whilst her eyes looked hungerly over the drugs being weighed up.
“It’s me, I’m going country” Blondy said. Just like that looking straight at Nadine to see what the reaction would be.
Nadine looked up slowly from the weighing scales and looked at Blondy. “what” Nadine said in a whisper “What did you say” . “I’m going country” Blondy said all causal like it didn’t matter. Nadine’s mouth dropped open slightly “No…no” she said “Your too young…SHES TOO YOUNG” she screamed over her shoulder towards the other room and with that Nadine was gone…shouting at the older Blondy guessed. She just stood there in the kitchen listening to Nadine shouting something about he can’t do this, not her.. that Nadine would go instead. She heard the Older say for her to mind her own. Nadine said something about “Breaking her in” and then there was a clapping sound. A few minutes later the older appeared in the kitchen with Nadine. Her face was red and blotchy, and it was clear he had just hit her. Behind them was a couple of the other older girls. The Older looked at Blondy. No expression on his face. Then he grabbed Nadine by the wrist and flung her in the kitchen.
“Make her look younger” he said to Nadine, who was now on the floor “Make Blondy look younger…NOW” ….and he went back to playing the computer in the other room……
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