Dear Shaun….

letter

Dear Shaun,

You never replied to my questions. I didn’t think you would, because there is no sensible answer for what you have been saying both in the past and currently. When I say something, put it out there in the public domain, I stand by what I say. And if I was challenged I would give my reasons for this. But I guess that’s just me.

I think we need some closure on my last blog. Its here for you to read if you missed it. Read Here.  When I say “we” I am referring to the single mums of the UK that you slated. We need some closure… and we sure aren’t going to get it from you.

I am writing this blog sitting on the end of my daughters’ bed. She has a viral infection. I have been up all night with her, fetching drinks and keeping her cool. Will probs be up most the night tonight as well. I took her to the doctors this morning and they said she will need to be off school until the end of the week.

I couldn’t go to work today, because she is sick. Tomorrow I was supposed to be traveling to Rugby to deliver training so that I have the extra money I need for Christmas. But I can’t go. And then I will be off Friday. I have 3 jobs, 1 full time, 2 part time. When my daughter is sick I can’t work. Because I am a single mum.

I did text her dad. It was one of those texts that you know what the answer will be, but you send anyway. Because your desperate. He said he can’t watch my daughter. Says she is my responsibility in the week. I told him she is my reasonability 247. Because I am a single mum.

I have no mum to ask. No dad. I do have my sons. They are the children you speak of Shaun, when you refer to these single mums who got pregnant young. I am 38. They are 22 and 21. You do the math. I could ask them to watch her. But they are in uni. Can you believe it Shaun, Children of an inner-city teenage mum….in Uni! One of my sons said he will take the day off to watch his sister. He is more of a man than any men I know. But I can’t get him to take the day off, I will just have to get on with it. Because I am a single mum.

Also…why we are here,. I never got a “Free” flat when I had my children. I think I must have missed that. I was placed in council accommodation that I was entitled to as a parent. But I paid rent. And bills. And food. There was nothing “Free” about it. I had to pay to keep it warm. Pay for water. I have asked around, people I knew back in the day. People you know Shaun. They never received “Free” flats either.

I have had lots of people respond to my blog that I directed at you Shaun. Not one backed you or agreed with what you said. I mean, that can’t be true…that no one backs you. Because you have all these followers. But no one popped up to me. Everyone that commented or spoke agreed with my points. Agreed you should step down from your position of power. Lots claimed that have seen you kick the “Underdog” many times. I am not sure that being a singe mum is the “Underdog”. I mean its hard to raise a child alone…yes…. But I think the true underdog is the person who forgets where they have come from.

Anyway, like I said,my daughter sick and I can’t go to work. She can get high temperatures, like 40s. Its scary. My son used to get that as well. But I don’t get to say “No, can’t do it”. I don’t get to say I am too tired. Too sick. I don’t get to say I don’t or can’t care for her tonight. Because I am a single mum.

When my second son was born I was so young. And when I was 19 he developed an allergy to nuts. He had his first anaphylaxis shock episode at 18 months. I had no idea what was happening but called an ambulance and went to hospital. His dad didn’t show up that day or the day after. In fact, it was me and my mum that cared for him. Because I am a single mum.

I never choose to be a single mum Shaun. There are circumstances as to why I am a single mum. I never planned or choose to be a single mum. I chose to leave an abusive relationship yes, and because of that I was a single mum, but what should one do? Stay in  abusive relationships so that we don’t contaminate the country with our single mum lurgies?

I was 15 when I found out I was pregnant the first time. I was so scared. I didn’t know if someone as damaged as myself could love a baby. I didn’t know if I would be good enough. And you want to know something shocking Shaun, I was not old enough to get a flat. I was not old enough to claim benefits. I was not old enough to work. I was not old enough to be a mum. I was one of the oldest in my group that had a baby. A few of my friends had babies the year before. One girl was 13. None of us knew about “Free” flats. But when I did have my baby, I knew that I would do my best by him. I was a single mum before I even knew I was pregnant with him Shaun.

And I tell you something Shaun…no one tried to get pregnant. Not where I came from. Why would we. We were children.

But if someone did try and get pregnant to get a house, let’s say that happened. Should we not have concern for that person’s mental health, at what is going on for that person that they would go to such extremes. Instead of publicly cussing them Shaun.

Anyway, closure.

I see that you have 2 children and a partner. Being part of a family is amazing isn’t its Shaun. Watching your children grow and change. Learning as you go. But…if your children caught an infection like my daughter has done…would you be able to work? Would you have to clean whilst your child slept instead of resting yourself ?  Would you be able to raise 3 children alone Shaun? Would you be able to be both mum and dad? Or would you and your partner deal with these things together, Like a team.

It must be nice to have a team.

I don’t need you to answer these questions. They are just things for you to think about.

Shaun, you may never know the pain of raising a child alone. Of having to make sure you provide all you can for your children. Work 3 jobs. Study, what ever it takes to raise kings and queens.

And that’s ok. Us single mums are all good. We don’t need your support. We don’t care for your hate. We don’t care what you think. Because we may be from the hood but we are also from the sisterhood and that …Shaun…. that trumps token hood rat who has forgot where he has come from. I have nothing more to say on this matter. Not to you anyway.

Kendra

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Emma Hall says:

    Hi kendra, thoughts go out you nd ur daughter. Hope she feels better soon in order for you to return to work, but for now family comes first. Well said on your response to Shaun. He is definetly listening even if he does not have the strength or courage you do in order to answer you.

    Like

  2. Jill Boyd says:

    Hi Kendra
    Yes, you wrote that letter for me. Single mum, daughter doing A levels with 100% attendance and no behaviour issues. Thanks mate x Jill Boyd

    Like

    1. No, thank you for being a good mum x

      Like

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