Welcome to Episode 10 of Blondys people…and seeing as we just hit double figures, it makes sense that we have our first couple.
It has taken me a long time to truly understand what a healthy relationship should and could look like. About 36 years to be precise. I have done a lot of self-blame in terms of working out why I used to always end up in very toxic relationships, both romantic and friendships. But, like most things, how can you not know what you have not been taught.
Blondy was raised in a world of toxic and unhealthy relationships. They were all around her. It was the norm for Dad’s to hit mums. Many times were spent as a young child with her friends sitting on the local estate whist the screams of someone’s mum getting beaten within the home echoed through the estate. I remember one time, sitting outside a friend’s house with a load of people, knowing that inside the house the dad was battering the mum. She was screaming for help. Us as kids (I must have been about 8) just comforted the friend whose parents it was, whilst a few adults came out on their doorstep, smoking and shaking their heads in disgust at what they could here. It was very rare that the police would be called.
I have never ever seen my mum and dad hug and kiss. Ever. As I just typed that I had to pause because actually, that’s a big deal. As I got older there were very few people that had a mum and dad at home. I remember there was a running joke for those who did have both parents at home that they were “Posh”.
I, as a child (Never as an adult) watched how my dad controlled my mum, even when he was not there. I also saw that no one challenged this.
Before I had the chance to start developing my own healthy relationships (Which may never have developed I didn’t have the tools to do so ) I was subjected to years of exploitation that made sure to warp my understanding of relationships even more.
Now, as an adult, I think I finally understand what a healthy relationship should look like. But the impact of not knowing that has been massive and has impaired me in many other ways such as financial, organisation and self-love.
I wish I could have someone to guide me and how me what it should and could look like t be in a healthy relationship. Life would have been very different for Blondy.
I have also put a lot of thought into where Out of The Shadows needs to be going in terms of reaching as many people as possible, joining up people that need to be part of the bigger picture and what Out of the Shadows will leave behind as a legacy. A lot of that has come from watching the moves made by today’s guests….
They are here for two different reasons.
I met Nathan at a talk I was invited to and was blown away as I watched Nathan speak about being involved in similar stuff that I was as a child, and hen his journey to where he is now. Something that stood out to me was the way he spoke about his wife, Sabrina, with such pride. As he spoke about being a dad and a husband his chest puffed out and you could see that this was the most important thing to him.
Later, down the line I then found that Sabrina was in no way just Nathan Dennis’s wife. Sabrina had her own flex going on and had written the book “A piece of the pie” and then from that came “Between the Sheets” . Sabrina’s book talks about the different layers that go into making a relationship work and even though I was single when I read it (and still am) it was like someone had given me a practical manual of how relationships needed to be. It was so interesting as I had never read anything like it.
I was invited, with my boss, to speak at an event that Sabrina and Nathan held, The Sandwell Exploitation Summit, and it was one of the, if not the best, conference have ever attended. From the way the event was organised, the treat boxes on the table, the quality of the programs, right through to who they had on stage. The lived experience that was there blew me away, and the interaction that Nathan had with the crowd made people come away like they had just been on an experience rather than at a conference. There is a video of the Summit below and just watching it back makes me feel proud that Sabrina and Nathan gave me a platform to tell my truth.
I have also included a link HERE for the case study that came from the Sandwell Exploitation Summit (these are the levels this couple are on…setting the bar)
Nathan and Sabrina created First Class legacy so that they could make a change and have now expanded this (Don’t watch these tow you know……always blowing me away with the next step forward). Here is what Nathan said about it…
“We at first class legacy are in transition. Me and Sabrina are using our years of experience to go more into consultancy and training that will be delivered under “Legacy consultants” (Follow us here @LegacyImpactUK) by our experiences and results from First Class Legacy.
Then all our Youth and community engagement work will be delivered Through our charity First Class Foundation …Watch this space….
Watching Sabrina and Nathan gives me hope. It makes me see that relationships can work and can be equal. There does not have to be a hierarchy and there does not have to be threats and anger.
They also show me that hard work pays off, and if you find someone to share that with well…. you can end up creating a legacy…
Follow First Class Legacy on Twitter HERE
Follow Legacy Consultants on Twitter HERE
Contact Legacy ConsultantsHERE