Blondy, if you didn’t know, was my nickname growing up. There were plenty of blonde girls around, but I have always been Blondy. Everyone called me it, Even my mum. I would be in my room and she would call “Blond (Yes, a shortened version of Blondy) go to the shop for me”. Some people called me Kendra, but to most, I was Blondy. I don’t remember the exact age when that nickname stuck but I was very young. My closet people, they called me B. Them same people would call me B now if I saw them. I have linked back with people from my past over the years and they have never known my real name. One girl added me on Facebook as she recognised my picture and said “B…is that you!! Is Kendra your real name?” She had known me over 19 years lol
Blondy felt like a separate person to me until very recently. Blondy to me is the person/child I was, At times, between the ages of 10 to 18. When I reached 20, I had to almost detach myself from her to be able to cope with what “She” went through and done. That’s how I viewed it for a long time…what Blondy went through. Not me. And that is how I lived my life for a very long time. The result of that was I lost myself, bit by bit, for many years. I was running so hard from my past that I almost reinvented myself. Tried to step away from the whole truth of my past. And I made me very weak. When my past fully caught up with me and I was confronted with “Blondy” mentally for the first time in many years I found it hard to cope and I realised that not only had I tried to hid my past from myself, I had also blamed Blondy for most of it. Victim blaming …. on myself.
I always speak about the “Inner Child”. I’m not sure exactly what I mean by that and don’t want to Diss people that truly understand the meaning of the inner child, but what I mean is that some of us have that scared child or young person inside us, one that we ignore. When we don’t address the trauma that we have been through in a certain point of our life, I think part of us gets stuck…. like….part of us is always reliving that period. I do not know…I can only tell you how it works for me.
I hated Blondy for a long time. She made me feel disgusting and angry. I blamed her for my poor choices as an adult and the reason I went on to find myself in other harmful situations. When I had to slow down and look at myself, I realised that I was very wrong. Blondy wasn’t bad. Or evil. She was a victim and a survivor, and she needed me to love her …for us to be one…not separate.
It took a lot, and I am still working on it,, but “Blondy” to me now is a child that has a story to tell and a message to get out there and we will do this together….if that makes sense. And none of that could have happened without me learning about myself by watching and learning from others….
I have been thinking about an idea for ages. Something that I have always wanted to do mixed with something I already do, that is share with everyone some of the epic people I have meet on my life journey.
Its mad to think of some of the people I am friends with or have connections with and when I am talking to them, I often think “I wish I could tell other people about this”. So that is what I am going to do. I have been interviewing people that I respect and know have something to share over the past few weeks and lots more lined up. Then…I’m going to share them with you. Maybe written in a blog or linked to an audio recording or even a video…who knows as I am kind of making it up as we go along. All I know is that we have been in lock down 7 weeks and people want to share how that has felt to them and the impact on their jobs, families, and mental health. We can all come out of lock down with a positive spin on things even if that is just being able to slow down for a while.
I have worked hard to build my blog up and think that I have a voice out there. So, I want to share that with others and get us all talking to each other about the issues that affect us all. A voice.
Blondy didn’t really have a voice. Not one that people that could have helped her would listen to. She …I …Had to learn how to make people listen. As a child I gained my voice through fear and exploitation. Through the streets.
Now…. I just speak and say what I need to and see what happens….
Blondys story is slowly getting out there and like I said, a lot of that is due to people directly around me…. people I observe from afar and people that have influenced me and doesn’t even know it. They have all contributed to “Blondy” gaining a voice.
So….my lovely people. …over the next few months, you will be introduced to my people…the ones that I admire and want to share….
These Blogs will be called “Blondy’s people, an interview with……” and with each blog I hope to share just a little of the blessed world I have created around myself.
I’m just a little but excited!!!!!