A victim of trust and non survivor of domestic abuse and trauma…#believeinbee

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She will not BEE forgotten… #believeinbee

Today’s blog…wow….Do I even have the words? Domestic abuse and violence are something, sadly, that has been part of my life from birth. Before birth. My mum was suffering at the hands of another whilst pregnant with me and I was born into that and so it went on until about 4 years ago. Different people delivering different types of abuse to me my whole life. I don’t tell you that for any kind of pity or a blue peter badge. I don’t even want to admit it most of the time. But, it’s a fact. It’s the truth. Its not who I am but its part of what I am. I am a survivor of domestic abuse and violence and many other forms of abuse.

But what about the non-survivors.

I want each and every person to read and share this blog. To tell someone about the website at the end of this blog. To reach out to those with the broken smiles…

And now dear reader I need you to so something. I want you to say this name out loud. Wherever you are. Right now. On a train…at work…on your own. I want you to say her name…LOUD

Bianca Martina Gobourne Thomas.

A year ago today, the 15th of August, she was taken. So……let’s make the 15th of August the day we ALL know her name…..m

She had other names…Friend…sister…daughter….Mummy. And none of those people can call her that ever again. So, say her name loud and proud because Bee will not be forgotten!

Let me introduce to my friend. My lovely friend Jhiselle Knapp. This is her blog about her sister…..

She was……the girl with a broken smile.

The true love of her life….Mr J!

He wasn’t great… in fact he was awful! He lived life on the edge… he lived a life that was unlawful… we thought he was the worst. Boy was we wrong, for on the night of the 5th August is where she was flung.

A death so cruel!…..so shocking; from the man who she trusted….turned out he was blocking …; Her exit was tragic and devastating to all. Her family and children so sad and appalled. It was not Mr J but a man so menacing…that had 0 remorse he stood with a grimace so trembling. Not a care in the world…not a tear…not a cry…despite pleas from the family of why oh why. Denials and no comments responses were made. Her death such a tragedy we thought he would cave.

Let’s not focus on him it’s not worth the attention, he knows his crime it’s not even worth the mention.

But who was she that he stole from the world, a girl with a a gift who’d turn heads when she’d whirl.

BEE was ….the girl with a broken smile…. 25 and beautiful inside and out. Dazzling beauty attracting men with clout. She would beat men off with a stick!. CRAP ones she attracted would never leave her side, staying due to her wit.

Enough of the rhyming and riddles …let me introduce you to Bee…

A victim of trust and non survivor of domestic abuse and trauma!

You see her walking, smiling, talking; passing compliments and messages of positivity to lift up a stranger’s day… You need food? She will buy it! You can’t cook? She will cook it. You feel nervous? She will calm you! You need love? She will love you. You do not know her…. but she knows you…

You can feel her from a mile away, she brings light to the darkness. They love her, but little do they know her infectious energy, smile and laugh is jaded inside; she’s hurting, she’s struggling too; you see she’s good at hiding this as she has mastered the art of a strong performance.

She goes to the shop; the owner looks sullen and almost at the brink of crying on the till. He wails “oh lady, lady lady…. I’m so sad”…..she says why? He says “I can’t do this anymore….it’s too late!”….she says “it’s never too late…today was not so much of a good day but you will make tomorrow a day of change for the better….it’s never too late…the beginning starts tomorrow when you open your eyes”…..You see she lives through me.

She wondered through life worrying about her girls, mother, father? brother, sisters and friends…..you see…she knew the world too well……TOO WELL… she experienced it and struggled to verbalize her pain.

The world as it is and the underworld that it was.

She knew the danger; that people walk on earth with the goal to harm and hurt others. She witnessed and experienced cyclical….hurt…..confusion..; was bewildered…shocked and sad with the world.

Abusers come in all forms! Mr friend, Mr Nice guy, Mr Trusting, Mr Husband Mr Help Me, Mr Lonely….. the list goes on! They suck you in and drain your positive light and energy. They said they loved her? She believed them. They used her? She forgave them. They beat her. She healed. They tried to break her spirit. They sometimes won….albeit temporarily…!

She recovered, sought solace from her supportive family, and came back to life just like a Phoenix rising from a burning building of ashes.

REGROUPED AND RECHARGED! She beat the odds….haha they didn’t think she would. But I’ll tell you why…! This girl with the broken smile loved life and those close to her. This was her armour. She could take on the world.

She has been a repeat victim too 3x’s before her death!

Manipulated time and time again; she carries the heaviest weight on her shoulders…. visualise a wooden beam carrying 4 buckets of dark troubled water over her shoulders, caused by others and poor decisions of trust. Psychological abuse is the worst. Confusing and life changing.

She is traumatised…. they have hurt her….in more ways than one. If you had x-ray vision and put your special glasses on you would see the internal scars she carries from those who abused her. She carried these scars day in day out…you wouldn’t see them as she didn’t want to cause worry. She feared the shame and embarrassment. They saw the tip of the iceberg. Her mental health fluctuating as some days she just wasn’t strong enough.

Her friends, family, neighbours and daughters define her as selfless. She is…I mean she was…unbeknown to others SHE WAS THE GIRL WITH THE BROKEN SMILE.

Professionals say she’s crazy…she’s had enough….they keep prescribing her pills even when she explained she’s had it rough. They know it’s not her family and can’t understand why she’s so unhappy because of a MAN?

She keeps it moving because she can…wants a change… wants a different life and partner. One that’s kind and giving; treats her like a queen and is loving.

It doesn’t happen, in search of love she dies.

Despite this girl leaving the earth plane unexpected, tragically and with a bang through no fault of her own….she’s still here asking for the world to be a better place.

If you know someone who is struggling, please help. Don’t be the girl or boy; man or woman with a broken smile.

This blog is in Ode to Bianca Martina Gobourne Thomas who passed away 15th August 2018 leaving three children behind.

Her charity will be accepting referrals from 15th August 2020 with a full team of volunteers.

Behind the scenes we are recruiting volunteers, training agencies to raise better awareness in order to provide bespoke support; and will be excitedly participating in 4 fundraising events throughout the year of 2019-2020.

There is a current opening with beliveinbeefoundation. A volunteer Trauma Mentor …..Do you want to make a difference? Then come and apply or send it to someone who might want to take on the challenge. You can view the role here: Trauma Mentor

If you wish to know more about this pioneering charity, fundraising events; if you need support, or want to be part of change please contact us through links :

Our website: www.believeinbeefoundation.org.uk

Facebook: Believe in bee foundation

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Believeinbeefo1

How ever you want to do it just get the message out there that people that are being abused are not alone and there are people that can help.

Make sure to use #believeinbee

Big love x

One Comment Add yours

  1. Nicola Croasdale says:

    Again Kendra,you were given a voice to speak on subjects sadly so dear to my heart. Thank you for being such a strong,courageous,beautiful woman. Nicola

    Like

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