Ok, I am going to be honest as always, I have become quite used to dealing with bad stuff. Bad news, bad outcomes, bad vibes. Not that I want it that way, but I am used to it. I have come to expect the worse. I think that sometimes, when you are a front-line worker supporting children, young people, and their families you get used to listening to negative stuff and you become a vessel for people’s thoughts and worries.
That makes my job sound a little bleak. It is …at times. There are plenty of laughs and ALL my young people achieve amazing things, which we celebrate, but I have become used to being suddenly hit with the bad stuff both in the work place and in my personal life. And I have a high resilience to this. Hell, I would be in trouble if I didn’t have a tough skin to bad vibes!
So, I have been trying to work out a lot of stuff. I have a lot of stuff going on to be fair. First there are my own Pickney. 3 of them, all ranging in size, sex, and age. And no matter how big they get, they still need their Mumsie. Each one of them will come to me with issues or worries and, in a way, all 3 of them expect me to have the answers. Of course, they do …I am the mum.
Sometimes I feel like that joke where they say something happens and you look round for an adult to help and then realise that I am the adult. Sometimes It can feel overwhelming that I have these 3 people that need me to be ok. I guess that’s how many parents/careers feel.
Then the fact that I am a single mum and must hold down a full-time job. A full-time job, however that is not 9-5. A full-time job that can have me up until the early hours looking up laws or legislations so that I can prove one of my young people needs this or should have been supported like that. Then we have Out of the Shadows…same as the full-time job…No set hours, no set schedule. It’s my own business so what I put in is what I get out…so I put all that I can in.
My support network is limited. No mum to drop the kids round to. No Dad to call up if something breaks. No siblings to call up if I need to rant.
Can you see a pattern here….very negative vibes on my part? I noticed this last week, that I had started getting into that pattern as many of us do when we get used to the “Bad” stuff, the negative stuff, that we almost embrace it. I see it often with the young people I work with. They are so overwhelmed with the stuff that is going on around them, too them, with them. It’s like they almost overlook the good stuff that have going on for them.
Last week I got out my little book that I write 3 things in everyday that I am grateful for. I sat with this book on my lap and was ..not struggling…but searching for something to be positive for. This book has been going for about 2 years. When I say I write in it every day..LIE…but I write as often as I remember. I wondered what I had written because when I started the book it was after a very dark time in my life and I decide to start writing down the positive stuff in case I needed reminding…like now. I turned to the very first few pages to see what I was grateful when I started it.
The first page had 3 words. The names of my children. The second page said my bed, warm food, hot water. I found this very grounding. It remined me that I have so much to be thankful for. And I decided to focus on the positive things I have around me. SO, let me start again.
I have a lot going on. I have a fulltime job that is…amazing. I get to raise aspirations of the young people around me. I take child protection very seriously, so I know that when I am dealing with a child protection case, I will put my heart and soul into it to get the best outcome.
I have 3 kids that believe in me and trust me enough…even at 22…to seek guidance and support. Sometimes I get it right and sometimes I don’t. But we are a solid team the love is real.
Out of the Shadows is epic. Its getting bigger by the week and I have met some amazing people on my short journey and get butterflies as to where it is all going next.
And once I started thinking like that ..I kid you not… I have had the most positive week in months. There were some sad things that happened also. But most of it has been nothing short of …life changing. I have had people showing me love and support who I didn’t even know were there. I have found the wisdom to make some big choices. I volunteered at 2 events and have committed to more. I met with the mighty FiLiA team and got the best shout out ever from Jamie D. Tomorrow I am going to spiritual chanting group! Me…Spiritual. I’m telling ya.
We never know what the world is going to throw at us but I have come to realise that its better to be happy than to be right…that you should always do the things you love…and you may not always have way you want but you will always have what you need.
Today I have just written 3 things I am grateful for. It’s the names of my children again.
So, tell me…what 3 things are you grateful for?