Sometimes, my mum would have a mental health crisis, a condition that made her believe she was a child. Mental Health Awareness 2024

Posted by outoftheshadows18 on


Sometimes, my mum would have a mental health crisis, a condition that made her believe she was a child.

What first thought comes into your head as I say that?


Let’s do it again.


Sometimes, my mum would believe she was a child and act like one.


What’s your initial thoughts?
Who helped her?
Who helped me?
Was she sectioned?
Was it safe?
Was I okay?


So, if you can’t be bothered to read any further, the answers are as follows.

No one
No one
No
No
No


The first time I remember it happening was when I was around 6. I have written about it before—I will find the blog. But it was at its worst from when I was 9 to 14.
I would wake up sometimes, and she would be sitting on the end of my bed, sucking her thumb. Usually crying a bit.
I want you to imagine right now the person who raised you…mum, dad, uncle, … whoever….
I want you to imagine how you may feel if, aged 9, you woke up to see that person sitting at the end of your bed, huddled up, sucking their thumb and crying.
It’s every bit as horrific as you can imagine. Times 10
By 9, I was used to most of it. Not all of it, but that was a normal thing that happened every now and then.


Sometimes, I would wake up and know she was on the end of my bed. I could hear her sobs or maybe the heaviness of her lean, and I was so scared I would keep my eyes closed and pretend I was still asleep so that I didn’t have to deal with it.


Do you know how guilty I feel saying that now, at 44? That I would pretend to be asleep and leave my mum crying at the end of the bed.


But I also acknowledge I was 9.


Sometimes, we just played for days at a time, eating junk food, watching TV, and playing with toys. I thought it was great. There was no school, and there was no bedtime.
No dinner
No bath
No … nothing.


Sometimes, she would ask me if I was her mum.


It reminds me a bit of when people talk about a loved one having dementia. I mean no disrespect when I say that, and I apologize if I offend you. But when I hear people talk about what it feels like for your mum not to know you….I know that feeling.
Sometimes, she didn’t feed the cats, and they would leave and not come back for a long time.
Sometimes, we both sat and cried because we were cold. And neither of us knew how to turn the heating on.


When my mum came out of those episodes, she was riddled with guilt. She would never pretend it didn’t happen. She would sit with me, say sorry, and ask if I was hurt, hungry, or cold. She soothed me as I cried and said it was scary. She would clean the house, wash our clothing, and make me a deep, hot bubble bath. She would read to me, and we would go for a walk. She was sorry. I didn’t need her to say. Because even at 9, I knew it was not her fault. I was just glad to have my mum back for a bit.


She went to the doctor many, many times about it. I was there for most of those appointments and hospital ones as well.


I would sit on the chair, swinging my legs as my mum would sob to whatever doctor she was seeing, begging for help. She would say that she was worried I would not be okay when she got like that.
Nothing happened. Apart from the social care referral. Where they came and told my mum she needed to try harder.  I once heard my social worker say, “If you loved Kendra, you would not do this.” Her name was Susan Finch. I want her to know that blaming my mum was maybe one of the most evil things I have ever witnessed with my own eyes, and I have seen some stuff. I remember screaming at Susan, saying that I hated her and hoped her hair would fall out (I was an evil little kid)……Susan…let me just tell you that nothing has changed about how I feel about you. Not then. Not now.


Imagine how my mum felt. Knowing she was unwell. Begging for help, and all she ever got was a social worker who would take me away every now and then.
And what do you think that did for my mum’s mental health when you took me? It was a blow to her already fragile state, a stark reminder of her illness.


What do you think it did for me?


Mental health awareness is not just about knowing what numbers to call or how to signpost.
It’s also about trying to understand what it feels like for the people who have to live with mental health, either for themselves or those they care about. Empathy is the key to truly understanding and supporting those with mental health challenges.


 People often ask me if I blame my mum for the things that happened to me.
Never
I thank the universe that I had her, and she had me. Unconditional love at all times, even the days I had to be the mum.


I could never blame her for anything, and I will never know how she made it through each day. Her resilience and strength are a constant source of inspiration for me.

If you or someone you know needs support, please take a look at some of the advice below.

Free listening services

These services offer confidential support from trained volunteers. You can talk about anything that’s troubling you, no matter how difficult:

If you’re under 19, you can also call 0800 1111 to talk to Childline. The number will not appear on your phone bill.

These services will only share your information if they are very worried about you or think you are in immediate danger.

Coping during a crisis

The mental health charity Mind has information on ways to help yourself cope during a crisis.

This includes calming exercises and a tool to get you through the next few hours.

Immediate action required:Call 999 or go to A&E now if:

  • someone’s life is at risk – for example, they have seriously injured themselves or taken an overdose
  • you do not feel you can keep yourself or someone else safe

A mental health emergency should be taken as seriously as a physical one. You will not be wasting anyone’s time.

Call: 999

How a mental health emergency is treated in A&E

If you go to A&E, the staff should treat you with respect and look after any immediate physical and mental health needs.

They should also refer you to a liaison psychiatry service or local crisis resolution and home treatment team (CRHT).

Find out about:

The team in charge of your care will assess you and decide on the best course of care.

This usually involves supporting you with your mental health at home. They may also refer you to other services to support your needs.

Information:

Making a safety plan

If you struggle with suicidal thoughts or are supporting someone else, it may help to make a safety plan to use if you need it:

Leave a comment