I was not going to write anything. I have not written since the 7th of November, the longest I have not put out a blog since I started it.
I have been reflecting. Reflecting and processing 2021.
It feels like it has gone past so quick…but also like it has been the longest year.
2021 has been my year of boundary setting….for myself and for others.
I went into 2021 a mix of emotions. So much had happened the year before and so much had changed that I entered 2021 unsettled and with an uneasy feeling.
2021 felt very much like a test of character. I mean, every year feels like that, but this was different. I knew that I would have to make big choices and decisions throughout the year, but I didn’t factor in the impact of it.
I have had to set boundaries in all areas of my life. I have also had my boundaries tested on sooo many levels.
I believe that things will keep happening to you until you learn the lesson. The same situation will keep presenting itself in different ways until you learn and change from it. Life is about learning and if you don’t learn…well….best you go back and do it over until you get it right. Until it sits right.
I have found a strength in 2021 that I thought was gone. A feeling that I used to feel….when everything was about to go wrong, and everything is going mad around you, but you have to keep your head straight. I used to feel like that ….years ago. And then it was gone…. But 2021 made that fire resurface and I am so glad that it did.
2021 is the year I pushed myself harder than I ever have. I passed my MA….. Was accepted to start my PHD, passed my driving test, got a car, left a job, started several new ones, branched out on my own, won an award, was part of a documentary… the list could go on and on. I have achieved so much in one year.
And none of it was by luck.
I have worked hard for each and everything I named above. None of it was handed to me. None of it just landed at my feet. No sir. I have worked and hustled like a queen.
I get up at 5 most mornings….still working past 10 most nights. I wake…say my affirmations, mediation. Yoga, reading and counting my blessing all by 6 am most days.
I work hard. Because I have learned some lessons this year. Really learned. Passed the test. DO not have to retake.
This year has been about boundaries. I have had to walk away from things that are not good for me, that do not help me grow, that do not sit right with me.
I have had to let go of people that I love. Because unconditional love does not mean unconditional boundaries. I miss them. each of them. But even love and friendship must have firm boundaries.
I have found new people in my life that were missing. People that have made me think…feel….grow.
I walk into 2022 with no new year’s resolution. No big plan to change who I am or what I eat (Although….I do need to allow the lemon cake)
I stroll into 2022 grown. I look back at 2021 with respect…as always…and thank it for what it has shown me.
I walk into 2022 stronger, more self-aware, with my head held high….knowing that I did ok.
I hope 2022 sees my daughter happier. I hope she continues to grow in an environment where she is different, and the world wants her to bend and turn to conform….and she won’t. She can’t. Because she knows who she is and that’s that. How beautiful is that.
Of all the things that took place in 2021…. I will remember 2021 as the year I went home. I overcome something that I thought I never would. I got to go home and….realised that home is where my people are. Not SW London. Not any particular place. Just wherever my people are.
This year I have one plan. To be happy. To have no argument with anyone (not on a personal level…I am always going to argue with those in power). I don’t have time for bad vibes or drama. I have my plan….I have my tools….
So, either move out my way or walk beside me….
Because its time for change. We leave 2021 with the news playing over and over about more children being killed on our streets. Children…. being killed on our streets. Tonight, we should not be setting off fireworks, we should not be at parties…. Getting drunk…. Singing and dancing as if all is well.
Tonight, we should tell the ones we love that we love them and we should reflect on all the children who have lost their lives in 2021 and think about what we are going to do in 2022 to change that.
Either move out my way or walk beside me….
2021… I needed you…I am thankful for you…. Thank you for the lessons.