Single Mums are to blame for gangs


Single Mums are to blame for gangs

Just read that back again.

Single mums are to blame for gangs.

A direct quote from an ex-gang member, someone who should know better goes like this

“I have seen children as young as 11 out way past midnight, yet the mothers and the community do not seem to want to address this. They are willing to blame everyone else for what is very clear to me- a case of bad parenting”. let me take my time on this. Let me get my words right to respond to this.

To echo the words of a man that would never think let alone say such a thing…

People are done with these bait arguments.

How dare people, especially people that claim to be from the ends, say things like this. That MUMS are to blame because let me put it raw…. these mothers did not lay down and make a baby by themselves.

I grew up in one of the worst parts of London. There were people that were gang that did indeed come from single parent household. There was also some that had two parents at home, some that had one parent but excellent grandparents, some had both parents and working, some were in care.

But for sure, not all the people in gang’s came from single parent households those that did, I’m gonna put it out there and say that 90% did not plan to be a single parent.

Let’s do a real case example to just end this madness once and for all.

When I was born I had two parents. My dad committed crimes and was sent to prison. My mum was not part of these crimes but by default was made a single mum. Poor mental health and the struggles of being a single mum meant at times she couldn’t keep a hold on me.

Not “Bad parenting”. Poor undiagnosed mental health, living in an inner-city estate, no support network and a child with undiagnosed ADHD and dyslexia. Its these kinds of combinations that can lead a child to be exploited by gangs. These vulnerability factors that, combined, can lead to exploitation.

Is coming from a single parent household a risk factors that can increase the vulnerability of a child or young person being exposed to gangs. Of course. SINGLE PARENT. Not mum.

But, its exactly that. A factor.

Anyway…back to the case study.

So yes, I was in a gang and I was from a single parent household. Along with a lot of other factors.

Then…at a very young age …I had my sons. In the same area with the same people. Single mum of course…you know what us gang members from single parent households are like.

So…this was the perfect recipe for the next generation…single mum, inner city estate.

Us single mums on council estates …we have lost control of our children. They are running the streets. According to some people.

My sons were born to a single mum in the middle of London. Let me tell you how raw it gets for my son. He was born on a bathroom floor in flat in SW London. The boy was born straight into gangs and poverty. Born in the middle of the grit and the grime. My other son born in St Thomas and raised in the local area for a long time.

You know where they are right now…these children of a single mum on a council estate.

They are in university.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Sharon Goodyer says:

    I just do not know what to say. I have met both your boys. They were both the most emotionally intelligent, appropriate, thoughtful, kind , generous and resourceful people I have ever met. I worked with each of them for a couple of days. They offered their talents freely and worked hard to make an important project even more successful. I brought my children up mostly on my own too and you would like them, Kendra. Nuclear family units are not all good. I love that African idea of letting the viillage bring the children up.We do not make childhood easy in this country. We don’t appear to like our children very much! We all need to stop blaming and start supporting.


  2. Thank you for your amazing words Sharon. Its a sad world we live in when things like this are said about single mums. We need to all stand togther and say..NO MORE


  3. David Tate says:

    This is why we need to develop Trauma RESPONSIVE practice, not ASSUMED practice. Understanding that every child matters means they are all unique individual with differing needs not gift wrapped pigeon holed commodities we can understand from privelige. No one factor can be changed that will hold true as the defining answer, the antidote. Not all vaccines work for everyone it is why worldwide there are multiple Covid 19 vaccines developed. There needs to be a wide spread of appropriate measures that reflect the factors present for that child. Fonagy would say we need to mentalist the child, understand their lived life not their postcade parentage race or genetics


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s