Time…..

eye clock 2

The past 3 days I have received so many texts, email and messages on social media saying…wagwan…Where are your blogs at. In person I have had several people come up to me and say that they love my blogs and have noticed that I have not put any out.

So here is what’s been happening. I don’t get loads of feed back on my blogs. I get people sharing and commenting and such, but I don’t really keep track of the traffic so to speak. I guess sometimes it can feel like you are talking to yourself and you don’t know if people care about your journey home or the time you had a fight to get out of an English lesson. My posts are from the heart and I am not sure if you want to know what actually goes on in my head…its pretty scary in there ya know.

When I entered the blogging arena, as most of you know (Or those who want to read back to day one), I had my reservations due to a number of things. I was worried my dyslexia having an impact on my writing and not knowing what people would want to read. But as the blog has gone on I have found if. Almost therapeutic… to put stuff out there.

My biggest concern, however, was time. Sometimes days pass and I have not replied to an email or booked a train tickets because I am so busy. I mean, I can justify it. I am a single mum, working full time, My online training, my Out of the Shadows work to name a few of my daily duties. But then there are a million people out there on the grind.

Time. Not enough time. Not enough to blog even though I have found it rewarding. Not enough time to check in with certain people. Not enough time to take care of myself when I am trying to save everyone else. I have some wicked blogs to put out yet keep saying I have no time.

Then, yesterday, a lady passed away. She was not close to me personally but her best friends are now my best friends. An I am sure if timing had been different then this lady would have been one of my good friends as well. Funny how life pans out. She passed yesterday after an illness. And my friends were hurting very much. I am rubbish with expressing emotions. Once, a very good looking man (on my birthday ) said “Happy birthday Kendra” across the hall. I then shouted back “Happy birthday” to him! That kind of sums me up. My friends know that my people skills need work. So when they were all crying today I didn’t know what to do or say. I didn’t know how to stop them hurting. But then I realised what they needed…

Today they needed me to have the time. They never asked me for that time. I just knew they needed me to have time to support them. Suddenly I had the time that I claimed I did not have all week. I needed to be strong for them and priorities my time. And I did my best.

Death usually makes people evaluate life. Goals. Reason. Even if the death does not directly affect you, it still has an impact. The reason I started this blog is because the murders in London were hurting me, so I decided that I wanted a voice. A platform to get my point across.

And I am sure you will agree I have most definitely done that in my own unique style.

But I got side-tracked. A few negative comments and self-doubt made me think that I may just been imposing myself on peeps. And I am not about that life hahaha. Even a bad gal like me can wobble.

And now a death has put me back on track. Because I do have time. I have bare time. Some people, however, really do not have time. Some people will never have the time to do the things they wanted to do in life. And that makes me sad. My mum run out of time before she got to do lots of things. I don’t want to be like that.

A lady at work said to me today …”Kendra, you have been given a platform. You can make a change for the young people. People want to listen to you.” She is right. I have created a voice and I need to use it even if I reach 1 peorson and make a diffrrence…I will take that.

The messages I have been getting about the blogs and my work the past few days, I am thankful for them. It has made me see that people do want to hear me. They do want to hear me now…..

So…I’m baaaccccck. The blogs will be coming thick and fast. I apologise in advance if my spelling is not on point. I am sorry if some of my blogs are a bit raw for people. Let’s do this.

I’m going to Birmingham on Saturday for a gang’s conference!!! I’m just a little hyped to be fair…but we will talk about that tomorrow.

P.S.

Lesley, I will look after your friends,  I promise x

 

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