“Addiction is not a choice that anybody makes; it’s not a moral failure. What it actually is: it’s a response to human suffering.” Mate Gabour

I went to a funeral on Friday of a 32-year-old man. I avoid funerals at all costs, but there are times when you can’t stick your head in the sand, and this was one of those times.

I don’t think I ever spoke to Matt directly, but I felt like I knew a part of him. His mum was my boss at one time, but more importantly, she was also a friend. Is a friend. During the time we worked together me and Sally, Matts’s mum, had some very in-depth conversations about our children. She told me that her son Matt had some mental health and was being failed by services. This was at a time when my own child was being failed by services.

Which is a hard pill to swallow as me and Sally were so deeply entranced in “services”. Running around across Kent trying to save as many children as possible and young people we could whilst also acknowledging that our own children were being failed by the same services.

No matter what was going on, Sally always smiled when speaking of Matt—sometimes a sad, tired smile, but always a smile. In the depth of all that, Sally would still bend over backward to help others, like arranging for her husband to take my son to University because I could not drive.

Over the years, we have drifted, and, if I am very honest, my own life has been so impacted by the mental health of others around me that I have withdrawn from people quite a bit. Which is a shame. Because we need good people around us.

When I saw the post that Sally put out to say Matt had taken his life, I could not breathe for a second. A rush of emotions hit me at once. And the first one…

“That could be me”….” that could be me burying my child”. And it still could be. Mental health has gripped people I love so hard that I don’t recognise them anymore and the reality is they could take their life.

And the second wave that hit me…

How will she smile again…

You see Sally and Matt have something in common, a smile that will flaw you. Sally’s smile enters the room before just like Matt.

The day of the funeral was strange. So many people of so many ages. People spoke and amazing pictures were shared, and I didn’t cry. Because this was a celebration of an amazing young man.

Things were said like, “He made people feel seen”. Imagine having that said about you!

Then Sally stood up to speak. And I felt a rush of emotions. No parent should have to lay to rest their child. Hearing Sally talk about addiction and mental health as she stood next to her son’s coffin, which had been decorated by his friends, it may be one life-changing moment I will never forget. To watch her pain and her  pride mixed into one. It was breathtaking.

She spoke about him and made it clear that he would not be remembered for the demons he battled. He would be remembered for the love he brought into this world because, despite the darkness he tried to escape, he always had time for others.

Always without judgment

Always with love

Always accepting you for who you were

He was able to show love and kindness even when he did not feel this for himself.

He just wanted the world to be a fair and equal place where people could be safe.

Matt wanted people to just be there for each other.

And Sally spoke about her son, and her voice broke just slightly a few times, with deep breaths and a strength that I pray I never have to find, Sally delivered her thoughts with  a smile and just one message…

Be more like Matt.

And she is right. This world can be hostile and cruel. But there is also a lot of love and acceptance just waiting for those who need it.

I walked away from the funeral feeling drained. Like I had just learned a life lesson. And I think that’s exactly what it was. Thank you, Matt, x

I texted Sally the next day. Said I was sorry I had not been a better friend. She didn’t even bat an eyelid and said let’s meet up in a few weeks. And we will because life is too short. Way to short to not be around good people.

Tell people you love them. Thank them for being there. Help others when you can.

Just be kind.

Those with mental health are being failed across the country.  Those with addiction are being ignored. Time to make a stand. #bemorematt

Tribute to Mathhew Gee

https://matthewgee.muchloved.com/Fundraising

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