Today’s guest blog is a deep one. For many reasons. But let’s rewind a bit. I struggle to make friends. A mixture of autism,  trauma, exploitation, neglect, historical mental health (My own and those around me), and a general lack of trust for people after being done wrong many times means that I don’t know how to build relationships and friendships.

But there are those who truly ‘get me.’ As we all know, these deep connections are rare and precious, as people can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves. And that, my friends, can be a profound experience.

Along the way, I have “collected” people that I like and trust. It’s a tiny group of people, and it’s getting smaller. I can’t operate in any other way. If I like you and trust you, then I’m in 100%. That is mostly from my days of exploitation. I was a good soldier—one of the best. I would never let you down, grass you up, or let anyone talk shit about you. Loyal. No matter what.

No matter what.

Along the way, respect and trust have not been a two-way thing, so the circle gets smaller.

Today’s guest blogger is Luke. Luke is my friend. We never see each other and hardly speak. But if he wanted or needed me, I would and have been there. And he for me. He gets it. He gets why I feel that way and why trust and respect are so important to me.

I can’t even tell you how we got so deep. It just happens like that. But with Luke, I have always felt like we have had two relationships: me and Luke….and Luke and Blondy.

We will speak when there is an issue with a young person, and he will talk about Blondy, compare the case, questions it. As we speak, He talks about Blondy as if he once supported her, saw what went wrong, and now refuses to repeat the mistake.

I can tell you one thing…..Blondy wishes she had Luke back in the day as her support. Life would have been very different. He even is officially one of “Blondy’s People,” a term I use to describe those who would have shown unwavering support and understanding towards Blondy, which you can watch below

So sit back and take 5 for my friend (And Blondy’s) Luke Goldie-Mc Sorley

No wonder they feel that way

It’s all just so fraught with challenge. Slippery rocks to navigate, mountains to scale, difficulty after difficulty, daily new pressures, expectations, traumas and harms. Snapchat, TikTok, Vapes, schools, teachers, behaviour apps, friends, relationships, FaceTime, group chats, adults, services, and more and more and more. 

Being an adolescent is tough. At times it seems endless the stuff they’ve got to live with, grow with, learn with and endure. 

I talked with a young person recently who was told by a taxi driver that they had “no idea” what to tell or advise them, acknowledging that young people now have so much to contend with, he had no advice for them.  “I don’t know where to start mate”.

Imagine then…. adults and others exploiting you, threatening you, threatening people close to you, harming you on top of that, already bursting, world for teenagers. 

I often find myself thinking about Blondy. Kendra started it, she left me with thoughts about Blondy when I first heard her training and then it continued when I spoke to her, got to know her and continue to read her brilliant blogs. It’s an inspiring and humbling place of thought. 

I think about blondie and other young people navigating emotional wellbeing and mental health in the context of mayhem, chaos, fear, risk and more. I think about what relationships and connection mean for those young people, what they might have meant for Blondy. What a combo harm/exploitation is with mistrusting or abusive relationships, at a time when relationships, connections, identity and self image are forming and growing. I can’t shake the thoughts of what exploitation and extra familial harm does to young people’s mental health and emotional wellbeing. 

I heard working with exploitation and contextual risk and harm described as like pushing sand. I can see and feel that. Maybe people feel the same about supporting the mental health of today’s young people, certainly I think young people might argue the shovel/digger could do with being bigger. Sand can be pushed though. 

My disclosure is that I’m so committed to pushing sand, to placing myself in a position to support young people facing these challenges. I’m determined to find the way, the angle, the conversation, the connection, the moment, the planted seed or the approach that might fit that young person accessing support. I’m drawn to the young people that seem unreachable or forgotten. I’m so fully in it for those young people. I’m not sure exactly what my highest context is for this, or what this says about me or what it means for what it gives me. I just know that I believe in something important for these young people. I believe a great deal in what is possible for them. 

And still…can we sit for a minute and just acknowledge…no wonder they feel that way. No wonder they feel low, anxious, depressed, hopeless, useless, defeated, forgotten, suicidal. How can we imagine anything else for young people living in the mountainous valleys of adolescence surrounded by the wolves of exploitation and harm. 

My learning, relationships (Kendra being one), experiences and work has shown me what is possible as well as what is at stake. The need to provide something for these young people is great, the way in which it’s done is nuanced and complex. How do we fit an exploited young person to a service. Square peg to possible round hole. 

And still…with all that I think about if I was that cab driver I’d like to think I’d be able to say….

“I kinda know where to start mate”

I think we can all hold young people’s experiences in mind when we see, hear about, read about them. 

We can sit more comfortably with the uncertainty that they bring and the uncertainty of their responses to our intervention/conversations. 

We can bring more of us around them, we do the leg work and running to circle around them with our colleagues and peers. 

We can bring hope. 

We can bring hope. 

We can bring hope. 

We can bring some normal; just talking like you’d talk to a teen; interested and curious in them and who they are. Interested in their inner self. So interested you end up feeling like the only two people in existence for the time you’re talking. 

We can ask more questions than we give advice.

Ask more rather than feign having “been there” or “get it”. 

We can be comfortable in it and we can go “I don’t know what it must be like, I’m willing to learn and I’m good at this talking we can do together”. I am going to be good in these moments at holding big information and remaining hopeful. I’m going to be good at planting seeds and inviting thought towards a future or recovery or coping in spite of everything/everyone, whilst never losing sight of how hard it is now. 

We can ask for help. We can reach out to brilliant people who know lots. We can work together. We can write and talk and shout about these challenges for young people. 

We can do what we can to be the best version of ourselves for young people.