#Undiscussable…..Why is it so hard to talk about domestic abuse?



Charlie Webster…where do I start…. She is well known for many things such as being a broadcaster, journalist, an advocate, and a public speaker. Charlie recently gave a TED talk.

In 2016 nearly died” after falling ill with a rare strain of malaria at the opening ceremony of the Olympics, shortly after completing a 3,000-mile charity ride to make it to the games. She now does extensive advocacy work around malaria such as Malaria no more. She decided that she had to do this has Malaria is something that affected her directly and she doesn’t want others to suffer in the same way.

Charlie also does extensive advocacy work around domestic and sexual abuse and is an ambassador for Women’s Aid  She is also an advisor to the UK’s Ministry of Justice as part of the Secretary of State’s Victims Panel, giving a voice to victims of sexual and domestic abuse and most recently she heavily influenced the newly announced Victim’s Strategy with No 10 in UK policy. The reason for this…once again it is something that has affected her directly and she does not want others to suffer in the same way.

However, when I meet Charlie, I didn’t really know any of the above. Not really. Charlie was a friend of a friend and we were introduced. It was not until later down the line that I was like…. ohhhh…this lady is on some serious stuff.

Charlie has created a podcast titled “Undiscussable”.  The link for this is here and at the bottom of this blog. Undiscussable tackles the subject of domestic abuse. It asks the question like “Why is it so hard to talk about domestic abuse?”. Charlie and I and others spent a long weekend discussing this via text and face to face. Here is my conclusion…most people that are the victim of DA have seen it previously and seen that telling does nothing or makes it worse. So, you become conditioned to not speaking out. And then your children see that….and the cycle continues. But that’s just what I think.

Charlie has taken months talking to those directly affected by domestic abuse. She speaks to young people, victims, survivor, parents, and their children. She looks at what is going wrong in this country that domestic abuse is still continuing for so many people.

Today…the day I am writing this, 17/11/19 the domestic abuse bill has fallen. And I bet reader you know nothing about it. The Domestic Abuse Bill, which aimed to “Transform the national response to domestic abuse” and give greater protection to victims seem to have been forgot by parliament. Just brushed aside. Pretty much how those affected by domestic abuse feel much of the time

This Bill would have defined domestic abuse in law. It would have ended the practice of allowing domestic abusers the opportunity to cross-examine their victims in court. It would have given people a way out.


Charlie Webster asks in this podcast series…. Would it have worked anyway? IS anything we currently so working?


This podcast is raw, and at times, painful to listen to (But that might just be me). However, EVERYONE needs to listen to this podcast if you truly want to gain an understanding of domestic abuse and the cycle it can take.

My own experience with domestic abuse is deeper, longer, and more impacting than I sometimes understand. I was born into domestic abuse and violence. It was my norm for longer than I realised. It was my norm for longer than it should have been.  I wrote DV and me to start unraveling my thoughts on this.

Gangs and exploitation will always be my passion, no doubt in that, But I decided back in Feb of this year that I would spend 2019 learning to like myself again and then 2020 will be the year that I do everything I can to raise awareness around domestic vilence and abuse. I just needed to make sure I was strong before I started that…and you know what….I think I am ready.

Someone said to me today when referring to one of the episodes “It has to be out there, to show others there is light at the end of the tunnel”.

I want you to download this on apple, on  spoitify, via the websites. I don’t care how you do it….just do it and share the hell out of it.

I think this Tweet from Charlie sums it up: Excited to release Undiscussable. I decided to make this as a child survivor, as an independent to cut through the bullcrap, tell the real story of domestic abuse & expose what is really going on, Listen now on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. #undiscussable

This is not a podcast, it’s a journey….Not Charlies Journey….Not mine….Ours. Us. The survivors of domestic abuse and violence. This is our time to ROAR



Womens Aid

Follow Charlie Webster on Twitter

If you are experiencing domestic abuse and want to access support over the phone, you can call:

* National Domestic Violence Helpline – 0808 2000 247

* The Men’s Advice Line, for male domestic abuse survivors – 0808 801 0327

* The Mix, free information and support for under 25s in the UK – 0808 808 4994

* National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0800 999 5428

* Samaritans (24/7 service) – 116 123

* Rights of Women advice lines, there are a range of services available – go to https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/advice-lines/

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